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In the world’s weirdest “honey, you were adopted” story, the fairies tell Aurora that she’s really a princess and take her back to the castle (Aurora is clearly a natural blonde, because she’s all “Okay!”) — everyone thinks that because it’s her 16th birthday, she’s all clear, despite the fact that Maleficent clearly said “BEFORE THE SUN SETS.” Before we can get to the cake and cocktails and hookers and blow , Maleficent enchants Aurora who wanders the castle and finds the one spinning wheel still left in the attic

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